16

Jump Start # 859

Posted on May 16, 2013 by Jump Starts Daily in Jump Starts Daily | Tagged | Leave a comment

 

Jump Start # 859

Song of Solomon 3:11 “Go forth, O daughters of Zion, and gaze on King Solomon with the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding and on the day of his gladness in heart.”

Weddings are fun, joyous and full of memories. Mothers cry. Photos are taken. Friends who haven’t seen each other in years, come and spend time together. Weddings are hugs and kisses. Weddings are uniting a young man and a young woman to a promise and a pledge made before God. Weddings are God joining together.

In our writings about marriage these past few Jump Starts, it is important to remind ourselves of the value of marriage. Marriage is God’s idea, not man’s. Marriage is something that God is involved in. Marriage is about promises, hope and the future that includes God.

This passage from the Song of Solomon talks about the king’s wedding day. Solomon was getting married. This was to be a festive day. I expect much was spent since it was a king getting married. Why all the trouble? Why all the bother? Why all the expense? Why have a wedding? Some wonder. Some don’t see the need.

Our society is moving quickly to being a secular land. Some question marriage. Others want to redefine marriage. Some think the only criteria is love. As long as there is love, it doesn’t matter who gets married. Some look at marriage as nothing more than a piece of paper. “It doesn’t take a piece of paper to get married,” some decry. Others proudly boast, “I’m just as married without a marriage license as the couple who has the marriage license.”

All of that talk is a bunch of hooey. It comes from those who are guilty of living in sin and they want to be legitimate, recognized and have the same things as those who are legally married. Living together unmarried is not the same as living together married. There is more to it than a piece of paper, and that piece of paper is what makes it right. It’s right, because God makes it right. God defines marriage, not man. God is in the position to do that, we are not.

Does it make a difference when you are sitting inside an airplane, if the pilot has a license or not? Suppose he proudly says, “I can fly this thing just like any licensed pilot. It’s only a piece of paper. I don’t need a piece of paper to fly this.” I’m off the plane if I hear that.

Suppose you’re lying on a bed in an operating room, awaiting your surgery and you hear the surgeon boast that he is not licensed. “It’s only a piece of paper. I can operate on someone without that.” Don’t know about you, but I’m off that table and running down the hall if I hear that.

That piece of paper does matter. But it’s more than the piece of paper, it’s what God’s word says. Marriage is holy. Marriage is right. There is a line, on one side, things are right. On the other side, things are wrong. From a distance, the two may look the same. But they are not. A couple living together may be neighbors to a couple who are married. Both couples live in a house, take care of their place, go to work, and share life. The couple living together are in sin and the married couple is not. It’s that simple.

Marriage is much more than a piece of paper. It is a promise, to each other and to God. It is more than a ceremony, rings and cake. It is being joined by God and having a commitment forever with each other. The couple living together has no promises that they are bound to. They have no vows that they must keep. When they tire of each other, one will move out. When someone more exciting is found, one will be dumped for the new person. There is nothing beyond themselves that is holding the relationship together. In a marriage, especially, a marriage between believers in God, there is something beyond themselves. There is something bigger than the two of them that keeps them together. They made a promise and a pledge of their hearts to stay committed to each other. Their word, the most sacred thing they have to offer, will keep them together when they tire of each other. Their promise will keep them loyal when someone better comes along. They made a promise. For better or worse…in sickness and in health…in riches or poverty…until death we part. Those aren’t multiple choices. It’s not, “I’ll take the health and riches…but leave the sickness and poverty.” It is a promise that no matter what happens and no matter where life takes us, you can count on me. I will be there. I will always be there. I promise. It is a vow. It is a spoken trust. Few words are more precious than vows. Few words are more important than our vows. Few words are more binding than our vows. They belong to us. They are want makes a marriage, marriage.

It’s hard to think of any other promise that is that serious and that lasting. We don’t make that promise when we take a new job. We don’t promise to stay with that company no matter what, until we die. No, we don’t. We don’t make that promise to an organization. The mafia or the Masons might, but those are things we don’t want to mess with.

Marriage is about promises kept. It is about loyalty to God. It is about the other person. Marriage is more than a piece of paper, it is the uniting of the hearts. It is the a promise that we made and a promise that we keep.

Marriage is keeping your word. Keeping your word after the ceremony. Keeping your word when the other person is cranky, stressed and irritable. Keeping your word when you are tired of keeping your word. Keeping your word. For the Christian couple, it’s much more than just keeping your word, it’s improving upon your word. It’s making the relationship stronger, richer, and better through the years. It’s not letting the fires of love die out. It’s more than just staying together because we have to, it’s staying together because we want to. It’s saying “If I could do it all over, I’d do it all again!”

There are sweet moments in marriage. There are special times in marriage. There are many everyday common days in marriage. There’s a lot of “what do you want for dinner tonight,” kind of days. There are exciting times. There are stressful times. The bills. The babies. The pressures. Those things stretch a marriage. There are trips to the emergency rooms. There are long walks home from the cemetery. That’s life. It has ups and downs and a lot of uneventful common days. Marriage is sharing all of those. It’s more than fireworks, and thrills. It’s just being there and knowing that the person you are with has promised their heart to you forever.

Marriage is only a piece of paper? Certainly not. That paper is necessary, but that paper is not what makes marriage, a marriage.

Roger

 

15

Jump Start # 858

Posted on May 15, 2013 by Jump Starts Daily in Jump Starts Daily | Tagged | Leave a comment

 

Jump Start # 858

Isaiah 62:5 “As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his ride, so will your God rejoice over you.”

We continue our Jump Start theme of weddings and marriage. My daughter is getting married in a few days and things are really busy now. Over the weekend, my wife and I were home alone, which seems a rarity lately. We decided to watch a movie. Of course, we chose, “Father of the bride.” How fitting. I can relate.

Our passage is one of many in which God illustrates His relationship with His people through marriage. The idea of “the Builder marry you,” and “your God rejoice over you,” parallels the sweet, young and pure love between a young man and a young woman who get married. God loved His people. His love was like that of a couple getting married. God’s love is genuine and good.

I have preformed many weddings and have attended many weddings. Big weddings. Small weddings. Expensive weddings. Weddings on a small budget. Weddings with lots of live music and weddings with very little music. One thing I find in every wedding is the bride and the groom saying, “I do.” I do.

That statement is a claim of affirmation. An agreement. We might say, “Who wants ice cream?” The response is, “I do.” When the bride and groom say their, “I do’s” they are agreeing to each other. They are affirming their vows. They are promising to each other. I do.

Now, we rarely think, especially in weddings, of “I do” as actually doing something. But that is the key to marriage. I like to think of it in that way. Saying, “I do,” being more than just an affirmation or agreement, but a promise to actually “DO” something. That is the key. If marriage is entered with the idea of only “GETTING,” and not “DOING” then it will become lopsided and miss what God intended. Marriage is doing. Marriage is I do and you do.

The greatest arena in which we get to have the heart of a servant is in marriage. We serve our mate. We build them up, support them, help them out, defend them, trust them, and believe in them. I do.

Here is a sample list of I do’s in a marriage.

  • I do listen to you
  • I do what I can to help you go to Heaven
  • I do try to make you holy first, and then happy
  • I do help out
  • I do share life with you
  • I do include you
  • I do share my heart with you
  • I do apologize when I am wrong
  • I do forgive when you have wronged me
  • I do spend time with you
  • I do things that you want to do
  • I do pray for you ever day
  • I do take interests in the things that are important to you
  • I do want us to succeed in marriage and in life
  • I do want you to shine and use your talents
  • I do.

I suppose for all those, “I do’s,” we could make a list of “I don’ts.” When a person says, “I do,” there are some “I don’ts” that are implied and necessary for trust in a marriage. I have heard some sad and frustrated wives complain that their husbands come home from work, flop on the couch and watch TV until bedtime. These sad stories all have a common theme, “He doesn’t DO anything around the house to help.” He doesn’t DO. He’s forgotten the “I DO” part. The “I do,” is not something that is said once at a wedding ceremony and then it is never brought up again. No, sir. Not at all. The “I do” is lived every day. Each day is a “doin’” day. Each day brings opportunity to serve, shine and help each other in the marriage.

Some have the twisted selfish view that marriage is all about their personal happiness. They see the purpose of marriage is that the other person is supposed to make me happy. Wrong. It’s not even about making the OTHER person happy. Marriage is about God. It is about two people glorifying God in all that they do. That will bring happiness. Holiness and honor of God is the path which happiness and joy travel.

Doing is a major theme of discipleship. At the end of the story of the good Samaritan, Jesus said, “Go and DO thou likewise.” Go and repeat this story. Go and do this. Paul told the Galatians, as we have opportunity, let us DO good to all men, especially those of the household of faith.” Let us be doing. Christianity is a DOING religion. It’s not intended to be an intellectual and exclusive THINK TANK. It is a DOING mechanism. We are the hands, feet and eyes of God. We are called to serve. We must have busy hands doing what we can for others.

One of the first places we do all this DOING is in marriage. I do. It might be good for you to make your own, “I do,” list in your marriage. It ought to include more than bringing home the bacon and paying the bills. There ought to be some personal and specific things your mate sees you “DOING.”

As a young man marries a young woman…the doing part just gets started.

Roger

 

 

14

Jump Start # 857

Posted on May 14, 2013 by Jump Starts Daily in Jump Starts Daily | Tagged | Leave a comment

 

Jump Start # 857

Matthew 19:5 “and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

We have been looking at weddings and marriage in our Jump Starts. Our verse is part of Jesus’ response to the Pharisees trick question. They asked about divorce. They were interested in proving that Jesus wasn’t the Messiah. I expect the Pharisees thought a long time about what question would be the best to ask Jesus. You can imagine a meeting where all kinds of ideas are shouted out and explored and tossed away. Finally, someone suggested this one. Can a man get a divorce for any reason? They thought about how Jesus would answer that. They kicked it around and finally, concluded that this was it. There is no way He could answer this question without showing some flaws. Off they went to track Jesus down.

Yesterday, we looked at the expression, “leave his father and mother.” That has to do with maturity. Marriage is for grown ups who are grown up on the inside. If a guy can’t get up and get to the church house, or work without his mamma waking him up each time, then he’s not ready to get married. If a guy can’t be responsible with his money, then he’s not ready to get married. The leaving is not about the address where the couple will live, it’s about the maturity of their head and heart.

A second thought from this passage is, “the two shall become one flesh.” There is an immediate thought here, but also a deeper implication. Two becoming one defines the sexual act of marriage. There is nothing dirty, shameful or wrong about that. There is, if it is outside of marriage. God has placed a “No trespassing sign” around sexual activity. The key that opens the fence is marriage. All others have climb over the fence and are trespassing. If they get caught, and God has already caught them, they will get in trouble. Two becoming one is part of marriage. It is good and right. God intended for the relationship to be that way. Most get this part of this passage. Even none believers understand this. I was in a bookstore and saw a book entitled, “Sex for Dummies.” Need I say anything more about that? I think that is one subject that dummies get.

Two becoming one involves more than the physical relationships in marriage. If that is the extent of things, much will be lacking in that marriage. There are couples who do not operate as one when it comes to finances. They are polar opposites. Money is a constant battle in the marriage. Financial guru Dave Ramsey contends that money problems are the number one cause of divorce today. Why is that so? Because a couple has not become “ONE” in finances.

Another area is becoming one in raising kids. That’s important. Consistency between mom and dad. Kids figure it out quickly. If dad says, “No,” they will run to mom with the hopes that she will say yes. Becoming one. One in discipline. One in rules. One in bedtime. One in what is expected.

Another area is becoming one with plans and dreams. Mom wants to stay home and be with the little kids. Dad wants her to work so they can have more money. That’s not being one. Stress, pressure and arguments will dominate the battle of the wills.

An important area is becoming one with the Lord. One in their prayers. One in their spiritual destiny. One in their hopes for Heaven. One in worship. One in contribution. One in hospitality. One in teaching God’s word. One in standing upon the platform of the Bible. It’s hard to be one spiritually, when the man or the woman lack faith, interest or concern about the things of God. Sharing life spiritually is a big part of God’s plans for us.

Many of these things ought to be looked at, discussed and considered in the dating part of a relationship. That’s why it’s called dating. If a relationship is based solely upon the physical, these other areas will surface and they will lead to a lot of heartache and headaches in marriage.

Two becoming one…unity. Oneness. In faith, in finance, in life. I tell couples ‘you are soon to be married that when you say, “I do, “ it changes ownership of things.’ It is no longer his stuff and her stuff, it becomes our stuff. It’s not his friends, but now, our friends. It’s not his family, but now, it’s our family. It’s not his debt. It’s now, our debt. It’s not his church, but now, it’s our church. Two have become one.

One in name…one in aim…one in a happy destiny together.

Roger

 

13

Jump Start # 856

Posted on May 13, 2013 by Jump Starts Daily in Jump Starts Daily | Tagged | Leave a comment

 

Jump Start # 856

Matthew 19:5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?

We have been looking at weddings and marriage in our Jump Starts. I want to continue with that theme. Our passage today is a statement of Jesus in which He quotes God from the book of Genesis. This was His response to the Pharisees trick question about divorce. They asked if a man could divorce his wife for any reason. They didn’t care. They had an agenda. They wanted to verify in their minds that Jesus was not the Messiah. They failed. Jesus turned it on them and showed that He has all wisdom.

I want to focus upon the expression, “Leave his father and mother.” Before a person cleaves, or is joined in marriage, they are to leave their parents. This is not about location. This does not mean a person has to be living on their own before they get married. That would have been very difficult in the first century world. Jesus is talking about cutting the ties to mom and dad. If you are getting married, it’s time to be on your own—emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially and in maturity. If a person is old enough to get married, then they are old enough to make their own decisions. This does not mean that they don’t seek the advice and wisdom from parents, but that they, not the parents run their lives.

I find the difficulty with this expression, “leave,”  is not with the young couple getting married, but with the parents. We parents have a hard time letting go. Our child has been under our supervision for a long, long time. We have fed them, financed them, fixed what they broke, helped them and cheered for them. There was a time when the parent literally controlled the child’s life. We got them up when we felt it was time to get up. We dressed them in what we wanted them to wear. We decided what food they would eat, what shows they would watch, when they took a nap. As they got older, we had to loosen up on those things. They matured and took over. Parents don’t pick out their teenagers outfits for the day. They shouldn’t. As our children grew up, our roles shifted to being advisors. There comes a time when parents no longer “tell” their children what to do. Sometimes our children don’t want our advice and that is hard for us parents to deal with.

Then they find someone to marry and they “leave father and mother.” They establish their own home, their own ways of doing things, their own rules. They decide what they will do as establish that new home. Two people bring together the ways they were brought up, their ideas and dreams and merge those into what works best for them.

And there we are as the parents. We don’t talk about this much. It’s hard on parents when they see their grown children doing things differently than what they would do. Unless the grown children are doing things that are wrong (illegal or sinful) it’s really their choice. It’s hard for parents not to share their opinion, even when it is not wanted. The more parents continue to tell grown children what to do, the more the grown children will distant themselves from the parents. If a grown child wants to paint his living room black, there is not a lot that a parent can do. Black is not sinful. Black is not wrong. You can tell them that it will be very dark in there. You can tell them that most people do not have black living rooms. But the more you do that, the more they will distance themselves. Let them paint it black. It’s their choice. They may like it. You, as a parent, don’t have to. Grown children will make decisions about buying cars, houses, and taking vacations that the parents may not agree with. The more we, as parents, interfere the more we are guilty of not allowing them to “LEAVE” father and mother.

One of the leading causes of trouble in marriages today comes from parents getting involved in the marriage of their grown children. The in-laws and the out-laws. Sticking our noses in places where they don’t belong. It’s hard. You want to just tell them what to do. You care and you love them. You want them to do well. As parents we must respect the boundary lines of the new home that our grown children have established. We must respect the Lord’s words, “leave.” A powerful thought from the parable of the prodigal son is that the father let him go. He let him. The prodigal’s heart was already in the far country long before he took that first step out of the house.

Your grown kids may eat out more than you think they should. They may decorate their homes in ways that you would not. They may sleep in on Saturday until 1 in the afternoon, which seems appalling to you. They may come in to church services just as it is starting. They may not cut the yard the way you do. They may not hang their clothes up as you think they should. They may not go to bed when you think they should. They are doing things their own way. That’s hard as a parent. We like our way and we want our kids to do things the way we do it. It works for us. LEAVE is what Jesus said. Leave us. Leave parents. For us that means,  Leave them be. Leave them to do things their way. Do not lay on the guilt. Do not pressure them. Do not lecture them. Do not become a nag because they are doing things differently. Do not force them to do things your way. They have established their own home.

Leave. This is a statement for the married couple and for the parents. Leave them alone. Leave them to make their own decisions. Leave them to learn. Figuring things out is one of the best ways of growing up and learning. Experience is a wonderful teacher. When they want input they will ask you. When they want help, they will contact you. When they want advice they will ask it. It’s hard to let the little birds leave the nest, but it is important for them that they do. Give them space.

Leave…I think it’s harder on parents than it is the grown kids that are starting out. It’s what is best. It’s what the Lord said.

Roger

 

10

Jump Start # 855

Posted on May 10, 2013 by Jump Starts Daily in Jump Starts Daily | Tagged | Leave a comment

 

Jump Start # 855

Luke 12:13 “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the family inheritance with me.”

 

This week, we are taking a look at weddings. There are many interesting concepts the Bible draws from weddings.

 

  • Samson found a Philistine woman that was good looking to him. He told his father to get her for him. His parents pleaded with Samson to marry someone from Israel. He wouldn’t listen.

 

  • We remember Jacob wanting to marry Rachel and being tricked by his father-in-law and actually marrying the older sister. He had to work more for Laban so he could marry Rachel.

Those two examples illustrate that in many families there is a lot of drama. Our passage today has nothing to do with weddings, but it is an example of drama in families. Most families have some. Usually we deal with it and it isn’t noticed very much until something big comes up. A wedding, a funeral, a move to a new house and all the issues and drama surfaces. It can make stressful times even more stressful. It can turn happy occasions into sour events.

Our verse is very revealing. Jesus is teaching. A man in the audience isn’t listening. His question has nothing to do with what Jesus has been saying. Jesus was not talking about families, sharing, money or inheritances. The man is stewing in the audience. This is high on his list of important things. It is bothering him. It gets to a point that he interrupts Jesus, in front of others. In an instant, he brings a family squabble to the forefront and in front of everyone. Most probably didn’t know anything about this. Now they did.

In Jesus’ time, a father willed half of his possessions to his eldest son. The rest of the sons had to divide the other half between them. It seems that the man interrupting Jesus is not the eldest in the family. He would have been in charge if he was and this would not have been a problem. Possibly this man wanted more than his share or perhaps his older brother was being a pain and was not giving him what he should have. Either way, he felt cheated. He felt cheated by his own brother. Family problems.

This is not the only example of this in the Bible. Remember Martha? Martha, Martha. Her sister was sitting at the feet of Jesus, and Martha was busy serving. She was worried and bothered, not so much that she had to cook and serve. She would do that later on in the Gospels. She was bothered that she was serving and her sister was sitting. She was bothered about someone else. That someone else, was her sister. Family squabbles.

It seems that weddings and funerals bring out the best and the worst in people. Drama queens rise to the surface during those events. They fuss about who they have to sit with, where they are staying and how things are being done. Drama folks generally do little to help but they sure have an opinion about how things should have been done. Drama folks are long on talk and short on doing. They complain and can turn a happy occasion into a stressful ordeal.

It seems that every party has a pooper and every church has a jerk! When people get together, you can almost always count on someone being unhappy, someone complaining and someone getting their feelings hurt. It happens in church services. It happens at weddings. It happens at birthday parties. Someone feels slighted because another got more attention than they did. They get upset at the kids ballgame because their child sat on the bench more than another kid did. They get upset at the choir concert because their kid didn’t get the solo. Drama. We can take a good event and ruin it because of all the drama.

Back to our passage, this man who interrupted Jesus was wrong on several occasions.

First, it was not Jesus’ place to settle legal issues. He referred to Jesus as “teacher,” not, “Lord,” or “God.” Teachers, or rabbis, were not the voice of the land. His problems would have to be settled in court, not on the streets.

Second, no one tells Jesus what to do. Notice the language. “Teacher, tell my brother…” Excuse me. You don’t talk that way to Jesus. Martha did the same thing. “Jesus, tell my sister…” He didn’t ask, he demanded. Drama folks are like that. They expect. They demand. They want and they want it now. Drama people do not have much patience.

Third, had Jesus given in to this man and settled things the way he wanted, every little dispute that people had would be taken to Jesus. His mission would have been hijacked. He would be solving land disputes, family problems and everything about a bunch of nothing. Jesus came to seek and to save the lost. He didn’t come to deal with drama. He didn’t come to settle inheritances. Jesus refused to get involved in that mess.

Why do some thrive on drama? You see it at work. You see it in the church. You see it in the family. The drama folks really unnerve everyone around them. If you get two drama people in the same room, look out, there will be more fireworks than at the fourth of July.

I think we all have a bit of drama in us. Some have one scoop, others two. We all can feel hurt when things do not go as we feel they should. Preachers can be involved in the drama scene. The Bible doesn’t use the word “drama.” It uses the word, “self.” That is what drama is really about. It is about self. Too much of self. Too much of thinking of only self. Why else would someone get their feathers ruffled at a wedding, taking away from the bride’s day? The only reason can be is that they were thinking only of self and not the bride or anyone else. The same can be true of a birthday party or even a church service. Someone gets a little attention, a shout out, a compliment, and the SELF in all of us begins to think, “what about me?” Why don’t I get some attention? Look what I have done. What makes them so special? We let those thoughts stew just a few minutes, it doesn’t take long, and then we are really upset. We get mad. We are ready to walk out of the wedding before it’s over. We are ready to walk out of a church service and never come back. DRAMA.

The solution to all of this is to quit thinking so much of our self. Jesus said the fist step in following Him was to “deny self” (LK 9:23). Deny. If you apply for a loan and it is denied, that means you were turned down. If you went for a job interview and was denied, that means you didn’t get the job. To deny self, is to push back on self. Don’t let the drama rise to the surface. Think about others. Put others first. Let others have their day. Don’t be a jerk.

We have two cats in our house. One is named Abby. She is 100% cat. I tell people that her first name is “Crabby.” Crabby Abby. Some people are just like that. We are not cats. We choose to be the way we are. You don’t have to be ugly around others.

Much of hurt feelings comes not from poor treatment by others, but from the drama within. We feel slighted. We feel overlooked. We want attention. We want…Tell my brother, is what the man in the passage said. He was thinking of self. He never heard what Jesus said. He was stuck on self. If he really was bothered by the inheritance issue, why was he interrupting Jesus? Why was he not before a judge? Maybe he wanted sympathy more than settlement. Maybe he liked playing the victim card. Maybe he wanted to take some cheap shots at his brother. Maybe he was a master in drama.

Will there be drama at my daughter’s wedding? Probably. I hope it’s not me! It’s hard anymore to get a group of people together and someone not get their feelings bruised. I wonder if God looks at us and thinks, “Oh, grow up and get over it! It’s not about you!”

I have found that the less of myself that I talk the better things seem to be. Be a listener. Be quick to hear and slow to speak is what James said. God knows. God understands. The drama folks are always around, especially where there is a crowd. They will find things to complain about. They will point out the mistakes. Bless their hearts, they just don’t get it. You do your best not to be one of them. And if you’re a drama queen at my daughter’s wedding, I’ll still love you, although I’ll probably be gritting my teeth.

Roger