Jump Start # 3041

1 Thessalonians 4:18 “Therefore comfort one another with these words.”

  A man died suddenly and unexpectedly. His family was shaken. His wife was religious, but not a N.T. Christian. Friends gathered to offer comfort. This is a solemn and sad setting that many of us have been in before. I have been there way too many times. And, what so often happens, in the attempts to grab some comfort, things are said that are flat out not Biblical. Too many talk without thinking. And, I’ve heard these things. Sadly, I’ve heard brethren say these things.

• God needed him more than you do
• God has made him an angel now
• God will send you an angel to comfort you
• Your loved one is looking down right now at you
• God will send you a sign that he’s ok
• He’s up in Heaven, having a blast with all his golfing buddies
• He’s in Heaven raising a toast with the angels

Now, if we were sitting in a Bible class and I was to ask you to put some verses to support those statements, we couldn’t do it. We couldn’t do it because those statements aren’t from the Bible. They aren’t even close. They are not even in the same galaxy. And, so, are we really comforting someone when tell them things that are not true? Do we offer hope that is based upon fanciful ideas that we dream up?

Our verse today comes from a setting of sorrow and grief. The Christians were mourning the death of their fellow brethren. Paul reminds the brethren what will happen. He tells them to comfort each other with “these” words. He didn’t say, “Your words.” These words, were the words of God. These words were true, tested and right. These words are the words that need to be used.

So, what should a person do when they are in a setting of sudden grief and death? We don’t want to say the wrong things. We don’t want to comfort with false words.

Here are some suggestions:

First, it is not our place, nor right to determine the eternal destiny of someone. If the person who died was not a Christian, telling the grieving family, that he is lost will not help them. Don’t say that. Let God determine that. You need to find words that heal, not further hurt. God knows and at that point nothing more can be done for the departed.

Second, it is best to say little and just allow your presence and your helping hands do the speaking. There are many questions, a lot of “whys” and when the pain of grief is raw and so fresh, those often aren’t the best moments to really go down those roads. Weep with those who weep. Bring food. Sit awhile. Let the family talk. Show that you care.

Third, use God’s word to be your voice. Share a verse or two. They don’t need a sermon at the moment. They don’t need a discourse on what happens at death. Ecclesiastes says the soul returns to God. Simple. To the point. Share a favorite Psalm.

Fourth, don’t take the focus off of the hurting family. Some will do that. They will come and they will have to talk about the recent deaths in their families. They’ll talk about the funeral, who came and who didn’t and on and on and on they will talk. Some will say the wrong things, like I began this article with. Don’t get into an debate with others about those things. You are there to help the grieving family. Let your actions speak. Offer to take care of the pets, do the dishes, or even house set while they are aware at the funeral. Good advice is helpful.

A famous writer said, “Every man can master a grief except the one who has it.” Some are just too nosey. They come with thousands of personal questions that really is not any of their business. Families often feel compelled to answer every question that is asked. “Did he have insurance?” “How much is this funeral going to cost you?” “Do you think you’ll stay in the house?” “Will you remarry?” “Did he have any last words?” And, yes, I have heard all of those things said to a grieving widow. My advice is to pat the hand of these questioning folks, and simply say, “Thank you, for coming.” So many of those things are inappropriate and out of place.

Let us remember, that in trying times, whether a war in Europe, a global pandemic, or a death in the congregation, do not forget what we know. These are not the times to toss everything we have learned overboard and go to the extremes to try to find comfort for those who are having difficult times. Be careful with the line, “I know it will get better.” Do you? Could you prove that? You hope it will get better. I’ll be praying that things will get better. But do I know that? No. Only the Lord does. It would be hard to face these people after we have promised, “I know your marriage will get better,” when it ends in divorce. Or, “I know it will get better,” when the person does leave the hospital. He dies.

No one can comfort any better than the Lord. Use His words. Use “these words.”

Much to think about…

Roger

Jump Start # 2794

1 Thessalonians 4:18 “Comfort one another with these words.”

Comfort is something that we long for. We want a mattress that sleeps well. We want clothes that are comfortable to wear. We want the temperature of the church house to be just right. We want our coffee hot and our soft drinks cold. We look for furniture that defines comfort, such as an “easy chair.” Doubt many places could sell a “hard” chair. Modern shopping has quick and easy checkout and stay in your car and they will bring your groceries out to you. We sure do have it good when it comes to comfort these days.

There is one area that we have trouble finding comfort and that is in our hearts, minds and emotions. We can wrap ourselves around a nice warm comforter, but that won’t take care of the things that bothers us on the inside. There is no food, no blanket, no chair that will take away your worries, loneliness, fears, sorrow and guilt. And, many times, others just don’t understand. They bring food, which is nice, but the struggles within stay right where they have been on our insides.

In our passage, Paul writes about the death of Christians. This is not intended to be a full and detailed study of death or life after death. These words were given to help those who were struggling on the inside. Fellow Christians had died. Is that it? What’s the purpose, then? Paul’s words are specific. They are directed toward those who die in the Lord. He reveals that they are with the Lord. They are ok. They are not defeated, forgotten or lost. They will always be with the Lord. And, these words end with our verse, ’comfort one another with these words.” It’s the words of God that can help our insides.

When Jesus told the disciples about His coming departure, He promised that they would not be left alone. He was sending help, divine help. The Holy Spirit would come and guide them and teach them. In the New American Standard, the Spirit is called “the Helper” (Jn 14:26). The KJV uses the word “Comforter.”

Now, put some thoughts behind this:

First, there are times and situations in which no one can fully understand what you are going through or how you feel. You can try to tell someone, but it often comes across as complaining or they simply do not get it. God does. God understands. Jesus, as the high priest, sympathizes. The Holy Spirit comforts. This is why prayer does more good than talking things out with someone else. The other person may never understand. The other person has his own struggles that he is dealing with. The other person is limited in how he can help you. Not God. Take it to the Lord in prayer petitions help from one who fully understands.

Second, God’s word can do what no one else can. This is why Paul said, “Comfort one another with these words.” Words of hope. Words of promise. Words that are true. Chicken soup may make your belly feel good, but God’s word can heal your heart and give you peace that you have been missing.

Third, God’s word is tested, tried and true. Look at Elijah hiding in a cave. Look at David on the run from Saul. Paul abandoned at his Roman trial. Joseph forgotten in an Egyptian prison. And, what do we find in those historical accounts? God was with His people. God helped His people. We often look for encouragement from horizontal relationships—each other. But the best encouragement comes from above. So spend some time in those Psalms, written during troublesome times.

Fourth, don’t become angry when others do not appreciate nor understand how you feel. We can get testy with each other. We can make things worse. They may not ever be able to understand what you are going through. Each person, with their own unique background, experiences, knowledge and faith will travel through grief, pain, sorrow, isolation and heartache differently. We may feel that others have let us down, and sometimes they do. We may feel that no one truly cares, and sometimes that may be true. We may feel that we are carrying the burden alone. But others are also feeling this way about themselves. The only one that truly understands how we feel and what we are going through is the Lord. This is why the Psalmist understood that his help comes from above.

Comfort—we like it, want it and need it. Sometimes when we have gone through those seasons of life that are unpleasant and even hard, it equips us to help others. We still may not fully understand, but we now know what pain is like. Our culture is stuck on self. And as society pulls away from others and turns inward, there will be more and more who feel left out, alone and struggling. Paul’s words are even more true now. Comfort one another with these words. It’s the words of God that need to be shared. It’s not our advice or something we read on Facebook. It’s the words of the God of Heaven and earth, the words of the God of mercy, that can truly reach the inner heart. There forgiveness, hope, love and life can be established and built upon.

God is good. He is so good to me. He is so good to you. Do you know that?

Roger

Jump Start # 2768

1 Thessalonians 4:18 “Therefore comfort one another with these words.”

  This week I have been writing about the death of my father. His funeral was last Friday. Shakespeare once wrote, “Every man can master grief, except the one who has it.” And, I found truth in what that ole’ Englishman wrote. My sweet dad was ninety-five years old. His short term memory was not good. He was frail. We constantly worried about him falling and breaking a bone. And, he was a Christian since he was a teenager. I have preached and preached about death for decades. I have described it as nothing more than a door that you go through. And, as much as I was ready for dad to get to the other side where I knew he would be safe and cared for in ways we never could, the tears still come.

And, through this I want to share some lessons:

First, God’s people are amazing. The number of people that have reached out, and offered to do things, even in this crazy world of Covid is amazing. The family of God world wide reached out to us. There were people who I don’t think we’ve ever met, sending us the sweetest and kindest messages. And, what I found is that folks want to do something, but sometimes there just isn’t anything to be done other than pray and share your love. We tend to be a “doing” type of people. Engaged in good deeds is what we find in Titus. But there are times when there just isn’t much to be done. Sorrow and grief is a journey and each person must work their own way through it. Some do fairly well with this journey. For some, it’s a short journey. But others struggle. For others, it’s a long, long journey.

Second, as to our passage today, God’s word really helps. This is especially true when the one who passed away was a N.T. Christian. We know the hope. We know where they are. We know what God has promised. Although I cannot talk to my dad now, I know where he is. A course completed. A race finished well. Footprints left everywhere of hope, kindness, generosity, love and faith. The hope we find in Christ is that our walk is well worth it. Our sacrifices are well worth it. The dedication, commitment, worship and trust in the Lord are all well worth it. And, with these promises and hope comes the belief that I’ll see him again. I’ll see him on the other side. Those were my final words to him.

Third, making funeral arrangements are hard. If you have never been through that you ought to talk to someone before you do. We had an amazing funeral home that was so kind and wonderful. Not all are like that. I’ve done lots of funerals and I know a lot of funeral directors. I have a favorite down in my area. Some are strictly business. Cold, pushy and lacking patience. The funeral director is working for you. You are paying him. Take your time and arrange it the way you want. Covid restrictions made us dance through a few hoops to get what we wanted, but they worked with us. Also, a key factor is having siblings that are on the same page. We are. Through dad’s final days and death, the communication between the four of us was excellent. So when it’s time to make choices at the funeral home and there are literally dozens and dozens of choices from caskets, to vaults, to guest books, to obit wording, to the service, we worked well together. So many decisions. It took us about three hours, and we were all on the same page. My dad being a World War II vet, there was a lot of paper work that had to be filled out.

Fourth, stay close to God. Don’t use your sorrow as a time to skip worship. You may not feel like going and worse, you may not feel like talking to people, but it is necessary to stay connected. Your heart is hurting and no one understands better than the Lord. Hymns and prayers are helpful. Reading the Psalms helps. Reading the context of our passage helps. Understanding what happens after death is important. Not only does God know that your heart is breaking, God understands. He saw His Son die upon the cross. The death of Jesus crushed Satan. Jesus rose to never die again. That’s the hope the Christian has.

Finally, it’s ok to cry. I think we have somewhere slipped in the idea that if a Christian dies, we ought to have a party and be dancing in the streets. Jesus cried when He was a the grave of Lazarus. He cried knowing that in a few minutes He was going to bring Lazarus out of that grave again. Some folks don’t understand, and worse, they don’t get it. When someone boastfully proclaims, “You shouldn’t cry,” don’t respond. That person needs to put a bucket on their head and go stand outside are my thoughts. Just smile. Some folks don’t know tact. Some want to know details that are none of their business. Just smile. Some want to know about costs of funeral. Point them to the funeral director and he will gladly sell them three or four caskets if they want. Some want to know about life insurance. Unless they have their wallet opened up and are ready to help, it’s none of their business. One learns to smile a lot, even though he is crying on the inside.

I have found for me personally, I just want to be alone. I just want to sit in my office where I can control the environment and just sit. I find it hard to fire the engines up to get back to work, even though I need to. There’s no time off. The work goes on. I find myself not really caring any more what is going on in Washington. I find myself wanting to be with family. And, the tears flow.

Thank you for letting me share these thoughts. I hope that somewhere you can find some help for yourselves and to help others when it’s their turn to take this journey of grief.

Roger

Jump Start # 2639

1 Thessalonians 4:18 “Comfort one another with these words.”

I was listening to the Beatles classic song, Eleanor Rigby, the other day. There is a line that always grabs my attention. It says, Father McKenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear. No one comes near.” A sermon that no one will hear.

Recently, I have been collecting old sermons. I received a couple of sermons that were never preached. The preacher was working these up to preach before, age, illness and death caught up with him. He was working until the very end. And, here in my hands were the words of a sermon that no one heard. What’s interesting about these old sermons, and this is true of many published sermons, on paper they don’t look like much. I know the man who had written those sermons that were never preached. He would have made those words come alive and people would have been talking about those sermons for a long time. Which tells us so much about preaching. Words on a paper can seem rather simple, plain and even unimpressive. But put the heart of the preacher behind those words, and things come alive. The preacher is the bridge between the word of God and the heart of the audience. It is his job to make things real, practical, understandable and helpful.

That bridge is important. God didn’t have the apostles write the Gospel message and just mail it to the world. They were to go and preach the Gospel. It is important that people do not get so fixated upon the bridge that they fail to see God’s word. The presentation needs to point to the Christ and not the preacher. Yet, the mood, energy, passion and attitude of the preacher can make those things easy or they can become obstacles that hurt the message.

Our verse today are the concluding words to what Paul had written about the death of Christians. Sad, upset, unsure, feeling a loss, Paul reminds these believers of the promises of God. The dead in Christ are not lost. They are not forsaken, forgotten or gone. They are with the Lord. And, it is these words that would bring hope, comfort and joy to hearts that were troubled.

The wonderful times we live in allows us to hear sermons over and over again. We can live in one state and hear a sermon that was preached in another state. We are blessed to have wonderful technology that enables us to reach to the ends of the globe with this grand message of salvation. The words of a sermon are intended to be preached and heard.

The word of God serves many functions. All of them are important.

First, God’s word informs or teaches. We learn concepts, principles, fundamentals. It is through this that we see Jesus. It is upon this that our faith is built and grows. From this, we form decisions and choices that draws us closer to God or they can rip apart our relationship with Him. Teach us to number our days is what Moses said in the Psalms. The disciples asked Jesus to teach them how to pray. Paul said that he learned the secret of contentment. God’s word is a classroom that opens our eyes if we will open our hearts.

Second, God’s word warns us. There are things that are wrong. There are things that are dangerous. God tells us about these things. Timothy was told to avoid certain people. God tells us not to be deceived. Commandments and doctrine are often warning based. Some don’t like that. They want to go and go and have no restrictions. But there are dangers out there. Dangers to our spiritual wellbeing. Dangers to our heart. How could God truly love us if He did not warn us about these things.

Third, true to our verse today, God’s word comforts us. It has a way of healing a broken heart. Promises, hope and joy all bring comfort. The weary need to be encouraged to keep on. The heavy laden need to hear the promises of rest that is found in Jesus. The discouraged need to know that God is with them. The fearful and the worried need to realize that God remains upon the throne. The sad need to know what God says about resurrection and eternity. There is great comfort in God’s word.

Fourth, God’s word challenges, motivates and moves us. The Lord’s words at the end of the Good Samaritan story are, “go and do thou likewise.” Get about it. The Corinthians were told to remain unmovable and abound in the work of the Lord. Titus was to tell his congregation to be engaged in good deeds. Get busy. Get involved. Get going. God’s word dusts the cobwebs off of us and calls us to get on our feet and do something good. Powerful. Motivating. Challenging.

Preaching takes those concepts and creates sermons around them. Now, we may have a favorite part, such as comfort. We may like lessons on Heaven. We may want to learn things. But we also need to be warned. We also need to be challenged. It’s not just from one area that we find God’s fruit. We must move around the orchard and find blessings on all the trees. Commandments are as important as promises. Lessons that dry tears are as important as lessons that kick us in our pants. And, we get these from sermons as well as classes. Some classes may be verse by verse which informs and teaches us. But we also need topical studies which covers questions and areas that are important to us at the moment.

In all of this, we find balance. Some of this and some of that. Too much of one, or all of one, is not getting the complete picture. We need it all.

God bless the preachers that understand this and work hard at presenting the complete message of God. While we may not like a particular subject for a sermon or class, realize that in the big picture of things, we likely need it.

Sermons that are never heard, are not good. Sound the word. Spread the message. Ring out the Gospel.

Roger

Jump Start # 1869

1 Thessalonians 4:18 “Therefore comfort one another with these words.”

Our verse today is found at the end of a section that describes what happens to the righteous when they die. There must have been some concern on the part of the Thessalonian Christians. Paul’s words reminds them of the great hope that is found in Christ. There is a hope only in Christ. Based upon that foundation, the brethren found comfort in the words of God.

Comfort is something that everyone wants. We call those big thick blankets on our beds, “Comforters.” When a baby is not comfortable, whether he is hungry, hot, tired, needs a diaper change, he’ll let you know. We want comfortable beds, easy chairs and rides in our automobiles. We don’t like long lines at the store. We don’t like delays at the airport. We don’t like waiting in traffic jams caused by road construction. The dentist tries his best to make the process of a dental exam as comfortable as he can. We want air conditioners to cool us in the summer and the furnace to warm us in the winter. We want to be comfortable.

There are times when things are not comfortable. Seeing a man who never wears a tie, at a wedding, wearing a tie, can be very amusing. He’ll tug and pull at his collar, move his head around, squirm and is obviously very uncomfortable. But there are things much worse than that poor guy wearing a tie at a wedding.

There is the cancer patient who goes through long, long treatments. They can be sickening, painful and very unpleasant. These must be taken, because without this, there remains no hope of surviving. There are the parents of a teenager who sits in jail or is addicted to drugs. Their pain is much different than the cancer patient, but it is likewise very hard and something that just doesn’t go away. There is the young mother who is trying to pick up the pieces of her life after her husband has left her for someone else. She struggles with doing it all— having to work, be the only parent, take care of the house. She’s scared, tired and uncertain. Her life is not like the cancer patient but it is inside out and not comfortable at all. Then there is the sweet grandma who drives alone to a cemetery to stand and stare at a grave that holds the body of her husband. They were married for decades. Now death has taken his life. She is alone. Her kids are busy in their world. No words are said, she just stands and stares at that lonely grave.

There are many people today who are “uncomfortable.” Life has thrown them a curve ball, and things have not turned out as they expected. They try their best to keep moving on, but it’s hard. One of the things I believe God calls upon His children to do is to help those who are uncomfortable in life. Jesus did that. He helped those who were hurting and scared because they had leprosy. He helped the parents who had just seen their little daughter die. He helped a woman who had made a wrong choice and now was caught and was in serious trouble. She had committed adultery and now the crowd was demanding for her execution.

Helping others—doing good for others, is a trademark of Christians. That help may come in the form of encouraging words. It may come in the form of doing something that lightens the burden that someone is carrying. It comes in the form of just sitting with others. It comes in the form of answering questions and opening up the pages of the Bible. Often, the things we do will not remove the problems. They may seem like band-aids to a much deeper issue. They are expressions of love and care. It reminds a person that they are not alone in this journey.

One of the things that often makes problems and misery intense, is trying to chase down the cause. Why? Why do I have cancer? Why did my mate die? Why are my kids so disrespectful? Why? Why now? Why me? Our pain is often multiplied because of these deep questions that keep bothering us. We look around us and life seems to be running pretty smoothly for our friends and family. Their mates aren’t walking out on them. They don’t have cancer. Their kids are not in jail. Why me? Why now?

Why do some suffer and others don’t? There are some reasons. There are also some things we may never know.

Our lifestyle choices can bring pain and misery to our lives. Just as filling your stomach with junk food on a regular basis is going to catch up with you, filling your mind and your heart with junk will do the same. The environment we create for ourselves has a lot to do with these things. A steady diet of hate music, friends that are miserable and complaining about everything, will turn us into being grumpy, complaining and even mean.

Because of man’s sin, way back in the garden, God has punished mankind with death. Hebrews 9 tells us that it is appointed unto man to die once. That is set. God does not promise that you’ll to be 95 and then fall asleep in bed and never wake up. Death comes in many fashions. It may be that little baby that is put in his bed at night and he never wakes up again. So unfair. So tragic. It may be in a car accident on the way to work. It may be a disease. The “whys” are known only to God. Unfair, it is. Not right, probably true.

Why then doesn’t a good God do something about this? Why doesn’t God stop terrorists from killing children? Why doesn’t only the bad people get cancer? Our world is broken because of sin. This is not Heaven and it will never be. There is pain. There is injustice. There are things that are not right and fair. Why does God allow a sweet, sweet baby to die? Why did God allow His only Son to die? Jesus could have stopped it. When the crowds boasted, come down from the cross, one by one, those nails could have popped out. The crowd would have run in panic if that happened. If that happened, there would be no Heaven for us.

Our hope is in God. God’s greatest ones endured fiery furnaces, lion’s dens, prisons, beatings, stonings. John had his head beheaded. He was the cousin of Jesus. Some were sawn in two as Hebrews tells us. Jeremiah was put in a well. Where was God during all those times? The same place He is during your storms and pain. He is upon the throne in Heaven. It is our faith that endures past death. It is our faith that keeps us going. It is our faith that will make us triumphant. Satan wants to crush you. He wants you to point your finger at God and give up, just as Job’s wife had. He wants you to blame God. He wants you to walk away from God. But if you do, who do you walk to? There is no one other than God who can care for you, carry you, hear you, and deliver you.

Our hope is not here, but there, where God is. Cancer can crush our body, but not our faith. Death can bring tears to our eyes, but it can’t shut the door to our hope and faith. The postcard we have from Heaven, given not in pictures but in words, tells us of a place where there is no death, no sorrow, no pain and no tears. We want that now. We want that here. But it can’t happen. It will never happen. But we can have that if we walk by faith.

Comfort one another with these words—not just our verse today, but the truth to a suffering world. Jesus will take the faithful home. Someday all these problems will be over. Our problems do not go with us to Heaven. Are you walking with Jesus? Are you reading His word? Are you doing what He says? Do you have real faith and hope? Heaven is more than a dream or a wish. It is home for the Christian.

Roger