Jump Start # 2285

Titus 2:4 “that they would encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children.”

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day—the day of romance, flowers, hearts and chocolates. I remember in school passing out little valentines to everyone in our class. I don’t know if that is still done anymore. Our verse today is about love. The older women were to encourage the younger women to love. They were to encourage them to love their husbands and to love their children. On the surface, it would seem that if there was one thing that was natural it ought to be the love of a wife toward her husband and a mother toward her children. You’d think that this wouldn’t be necessary, that’s why we must look beyond the surface.

First, the word “encourage,” is footnoted with the word “train.” This type of love is not a feeling nor an emotion. That is what comes naturally. That is what Valentine’s Day is all about. Romance, the sparks, the feelings, the look in a persons eyes, all of that is natural and you can’t teach someone to love someone that way. Either it’s there or it isn’t. The word ‘love’ that is used here is not a feeling, but rather a choice. This is the word God chose when He said, “For God so loved the world,” in John 3:16. This love is not a reaction. It’s not based upon how the other person feels. Romans 5:8 says that God demonstrated His love towards us, while we were sinners, Christ died for us. Christ didn’t come because we were really good. He came because we were really bad. Christ didn’t come after we stopped sinning and started to go to worship services. The passage states, “while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” He came at the worse possible time. He caught us with our hands in the cookie jar. The while we were sinners part shows that God’s love isn’t based upon our we behaved, because we weren’t behaving. We were misbehaving. This is the same word love found in our Titus passage. Older women were to train younger women how to love, want the best, do the best, to family, when we are not our best. This doesn’t come naturally.

You see how unnatural this is by the TV promos for shows like Marriage Bootcamp. All that I’ve seen looks like drama, shouting, selfishness, anger and not much godly love. This is where the world lives. If you are nice to me, I probably will be nice to you. But, I’ll wait first to see how you are. The world operates on reaction and then responding. What Titus is driving at is the opposite. It’s deciding to do what is right and to have the right spirit and attitude. You decide this and you stay with this, no matter how hubby or the kids are acting. Choice, not a feeling. Decision, not a response.

Second, there are times when those very near and dear to us are ‘unlovable.’ That is true of all of us. There are moments when we are not very lovable. A child throwing up because he has the flu is not one of those precious moments that a parent holds dear to. What’s the loving thing to do? Help the child. Clean up after the child. Comfort the child. There are moments when husband feels threatened by his job. There are times he comes home upset and angry. He may vent at home. You have chosen to love him. You will help him, encourage him and support him. There are times when our selfish side rises to the top. The house is a mess. The basement looks like the stands of a ballpark, with cups every where, food spilled on the floor and everyone sitting around staring at the TV. Your home looks like the poster for Worst Homes and Gardens. You see this and feel like turning around and going out the door. You feel like screaming. However, you have chosen to love. That doesn’t mean you become the clean up crew and their sloppy and lazy behavior becomes the norm, but in those unlovable moments, you love.

Third, your example is illustrating to the others what they ought to manifest as well. Loving the unlovable husband ought to remind him that he needs to follow suit and do the same towards the wife. Loving the children when they are at their worst, ought to show dedication, love and responsibility within them as well. Sometimes those lessons aren’t picked up on. Sometimes people never change. Some are so selfish that they can’t see beyond themselves. Yet, our passage reminds younger wives to love. Even then, love.

Relationships are hard. They can be the best and they can be the worst. We expect more out of family than we do others. We want our families to automatically choose to do the right thing every time. But they don’t. We want our kids to run and hug us. But sometimes all they want to do is to stick their tongues out at us. We want them to jump in and help out, but there are days that all they seem to do is create messes. But still, in all of this, there is something that keeps us going and keeps us from giving up. This is our family. Our blood. Our people. We will put up with more from them. We will suffer more for them. We will tolerate pain much longer from them. And, the blessings, the joys, the smiles, the love is what makes it all worth so much.

Do what’s right. Do it when you don’t get a “thank you” back. Do it when you don’t feel like it. Do it when it’s hard. Do it when you seem to have to be the only one who cares. Do what is right, because that’s what love is based upon.

Getting a box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day is much easier than this stuff. But this stuff is what God wants you to do. Not just on a special day in February, but all the time.

Roger

Jump Start # 1039

Titus 2:4 “So that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children.”

  This passage comes from the Holy Spirit to Paul to Titus to older women who were to take it to the younger women. It was an important message. God wants the younger women to love their children. You’d think that was one thing that was not necessary to teach. Mothers have a love for their children. They can be “mama bears” when it comes to their cubs. Yet, twice in the N.T. (Rom 1:31; 2 Tim. 3:3) the King James Version uses the expression, “without natural affection.” Other versions use the term, “unloving.” The love defined in our verse today is that special word, “agape,” that is the highest form of love. It loves another, period. It is a choice, not a reaction. It is demonstrated by actions. It loves when the other is unlovable. It loves when that is hard to do. Loving babies is easy. Loving a teenager who has an attitude, that’s harder. This love is not an emotion or a feeling. It’s choosing to do the best for another. This is the love that God has for us. Remember the “God so loved the world,” verse. The same word is directed toward husbands and children. Love them both. Love them at all times. Older women are to encourage the younger ones to love their family.

Some people make this hard. They are rebellious, stubborn, refuse to listen or reason, and find every way possible to make your life miserable. Some days it’s hard being a parent. When my wife and I were first married, we were told to get a dog. We were told that having a dog would help us be better parents. So, we got a little dog. Dumb idea. You can leave your dog outside at night. If you do that to you child, you will get in trouble. Worse, if the dog thing doesn’t work out, you can sell your dog. Try selling your child—you’ll spend years in prison for that! Dogs wag their tails. Dogs don’t talk back. Getting a dog isn’t like having a child.

Part of raising your children involves shaping them emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually. Those are not accomplished the same way. Some of those are easier than others. I read once that every person needs Three “A’s” in their life. Everyone needs:

ACCEPTANCE: They need to fit in. This is part of the social and emotional development. This is why kids with big ears or in my case, red hair, or kids who are tall or small or skinny or big are made fun of. They are different. Bullies love to pick on those who are different. Kids turn to all kinds of things to fit in. Some smoke. Some turn to drugs. Some join gangs. Some get tattoos. Some use sex. They are trying to fit in. They want to be “normal.” The reality is that we are all different and unique. When you’re a kid you don’t see that nor get that. It’s hard. Parents need to spend a lot of time loving their kids and letting them know that they are accepted at home and by God.

AFFECTION: We all need some TLC. Hugs, high-five’s, pat on the backs—they are important to the little guy and they are important to the big guy. Affection is something that every person longs for and needs. They will find it in the proper places and if it is not there, then they will find it in the improper places. This is true of adults. Most affairs take place between neighbors or co-workers. Communication failures at home, leads one to start talking and sharing with someone else. Innocently, conversations become exchanges of affections which leads to the affair. Why did it happen? Someone was needing affection. The same is true with kids. If mom and dad spend each night in their room watching TV, the child will start hanging around anyone that will pay attention to him. They might find it in an older person in a chat-room. They might find it in the worst behaved kids at school. Parents, they need to hear you praise them. You need to be their best fan, loudest cheerleader and greatest supporter in their life. That means you make a big deal out of victories, successes, and accomplishments. They need affection.

APPRECIATION: Everyone wants to feel that what they do is noticed and counts for something. There are fewer things that truly hurt more than to think you could drop out of life and no one would miss you. Not appreciated in the home makes the housewife feel like a slave. Not appreciated at work leads to looking for another job. When kids are not appreciated, they feel used. Some want to run away. Neglect involves more than not putting food on the table. Many are neglected socially and spiritually. The lack of appreciation leads to the feeling of being unloved. Appreciation needs to be expressed. Brag on them a bit. Take those pictures that they have drawn and display them on the front of the frig. Just the other day, I was looking something up in a book, and there inside the front cover,  was hand drawn father’s day cards from my kids. I stick those in the front of my books. They mean a lot to me. After a meal, and you ask the kids to carry over the dishes, let them know that you appreciate that. Part of appreciation is learning to express it to others. Telling mom “thanks” for dinner is important. The appreciative heart is a thankful heart. When we appreciate others in the family, then we can start appreciating those in the church and the goodness of God. Telling a child, “thank you,” is important. When my kids come home now, understand they are all grown, most are married and they all have good jobs, I always pay for the meals. It’s a rule. I insist. I tell them some day they will have to take care of me when I’m old. Without exception, they put up a fight about wanting to buy my meal and they always, always thank me. That means a lot. Ungrateful is a sad state that many dwell in. Appreciate that they clean their room. Appreciate that they helped shovel snow. Appreciate that they took care of the dog. I discovered one day when my kids were small, that I was always on them about something. It seemed like every day I was harping at them. Do this. Don’t do that. I started listening to myself and realized that someday they will be gone and their impression of dad is going to be a grump who could never be pleased. That bothered me. I changed. I got into the compliment mode. I looked for good things that they were doing. Parents, you want your children to feel like you want them. Remember, they are a gift from God.

Love your children. Help them to grow in every way. Don’t be too big to be small.

Roger